Corbin is walking! i'm very excited, a little sad, but mostly scared out of my mind. The days of hanging onto sanity with a tenuous yet hopeful death grip are over. At least he's easing into it; it started last Sunday when he took a few steps by himself, and that's what he's been doing all week. A few steps here, a few steps there, and then he falls on his knees, or his bum, or if he's exceptionally careless, he falls on his back and hits the floor with a resounding thump usually followed by several minutes of frightened crying. I'm glad he didn't start to walk like he started to crawl--that is, just get up and take off and never look back. He's very cautious, and I hope that trait stays with him as it will serve him well throughout his childhood.

I really thought he'd be walking well before this. He started crawling at 7.5 months, and by 8 months, he was learning to stand. At 9 months, he was furniture cruising. Of course, maybe if I had more furniture in my living room, it might have made the transition easier. Then again, maybe not. I don't really care, i'm just speculating.

The truth is, I want him to achieve all these firsts early (well, except losing his virginity), so that I can gloat and say what a smart baby he is, and so I can outdo other moms who have babies the same age. (Yes, being a mom has brought out the secret competetive bitch I never knew I could be). But, every time Corbin achieves a milestone, I feel this fleeting moment of sadness. He's gained another morsel of independence. He's growing up so fast, and I just wish he could stay small and helpless and nonverbal for a few more years. I don't even care if I have to change endless poopy diapers or vacuum out snot from his nose or walk around smelling like half-digested breastmilk because he spit up on me. I know there will come a time when I won't be able to protect him, when I can't make things better, and he'll have to deal with pain and heartache, balance desires and needs, and make life-altering decisions. I hope I can do the job of two parents and teach him everything he needs to know.