It's been almost two years since I was pregnant. I've forgotten all the negative side effects of pregnancy--the constant heartburn, the aches and pains, the insonmnia. I know they happened, they just seem inconsequential compared to the feeling of movement in my tummy, the anticipation, and the feelings of love I had for someone I hadn't even met yet.

I was browsing through old text messages last night, and only then did I realize how cranky, sore, tired, and hormonal I was. Then I saw a text that was sent about ten days after I had Corbin. To paraphrase, it said, "I miss being pregnant". I had a ten-day-old baby, I was exhausted, my boobs hurt, and I was riding the rollercoaster of post pardum hormonal changes, and I missed being pregnant?! Is it possible that I was clinically insane for a few days?

Well, if I was, then I still am. I have a few friends that are pregnant now, and I'm jealous. Last week, I held a 3-week old baby at my sister's wedding shower, and my uterus started to ache. I wanted to do it all over again.

I thought that after I gave birth to Corbin, the instinctual urge to have children would go away, but it got worse. Even through the sleep deprivation, the colick, and even now that I'm a broke single mom, it's still there.

Of course, I want to be in a better position when or if I have a second child. Maybe I'm meant to be a single mom, but if that's the case, I'll be a single mom of 1. I won't have children from various men and create one hell of an emotional mess. I don't think I could survive the politics and the childish games with more than one person. But I do hope that one day, I can hame a whole family--a mother and a father, and Corbin with a few younger siblings.