My Crunchy Life

Corbin's First Walk

Corbin went for his first walk outdoors with me today. I ordered the harness from MyPreciousKid.com last week, and it arrived in the mail yesterday. I wanted something that didn't look very utilitarian; I don't really care if people think I'm cruel because I know I'm just keeping my son safe, but this will be fun for him to put on and hopefully he won't always see it as restraining or confining.

After talking with a field rep from Guide Dogs for the Blind, I decided to do the first few walks with just my cane. After all, Corbin has only been walking on his own since february, and he isn't able to walk for a long period of time yet. I have to adjust my pace to his, and then I'll have to teach Deedee acordingly, but I feel it will be easier for Corbin and I to learn to walk together first and then add deedee into the mix.

Corbin and I went with my friend, and soon-to-be roommate, B and her 6-month-old chocolate lab Reese. Deedee was great, it was Reese who was eating pinecones, using my cane as a skipping rope, and just being generally puppyish. The advantage a pet has to living with a guide dog is that the guide will often teach them things. Endora encouraged my old roommates' dog to cross the kitchen floor even though he was scared of the slippery laminate. She also calmed him down during thunder storms. Of course, the pet dog can also teach the guide its bad manners, but we just won't go there.

Corbin thought my cane was fascinating, too. Once he realized the trick of the game was to tap it from side to side, he wanted to help. I held firmly onto his hand and kept the harness looped around my wrist (I want to use it only as a backup, not a primary method of controlling him when we're out), but that didn't really stop him from reaching out, grabbing my cane, and violently thumping it on the sidewalk. I had to stop every few minutes to wrestle it out of his grip. Things might have went smoother if B and I weren't killing ourselves laughing, but it was hard not to with Corbin's and Reese's antics.

When Corbin and I entered the convenience store, B stayed outside with the two dogs. Corbin decided that he was going to swipe some chocolate bars that were underneath the counter. I had to pick him up and hold him while I paid for my purchases, and then a customer who was behind me brought them outside because Corbin was fascinated with those chocolate bars. As soon as I went to pick up my bag, he went straight for them. At 15 months, it's not embarrassing, but it would be at 2 or 3.

Corbin almost made it the whole way home. He was so pooped, he went to bed as soon as we got in the house, and he changed into his pajamas. I'd say our first walk was a success, even if it was a three-ring circus. I really think B and I `should have our own reality TV show. Actually, it'd have to double as a sitcom, because even when we do really mundane things like walk to the variety store, it's an adventure.

Setting Boundaries

Over the past few months, Corbin has become a lot more active. This effects every part of his life, including nursing. At first, when he'd try to do a hand stand on my stomach while still firmly latched, it was cute. After battling cracked nipples, being kneed, kicked, poked, and elbowed, it is not even remotely adorable. It's time to set some boundaries.

If Corbin got too out of hand while nursing, all I used to have to do was say a firm, "No," and correct his positioning. Unfortunately, that no longer works, and I have to put him down and listen to him cry for a minute or two while patiently trying to explain to him that Mommy's boobs are not made of elasic, or any other stretchable or moldable substance. Okay, I've only started doing this today, so I haven't had much luck so far.

I don't mind some of the gymnastics. if he wants to lay on his tummy and twist his head to the side and nurse, who am I to argue if it seems comfortable to him? Sometimes, he falls asleep in a kneeling position, with his bum in the air, and his head snuggled up to the milk factory ... me! I don't even mind him playing with my face--minus the hair pulling--because he's actually able to identify several facial features (nose, mouth, etc), and that's how he learned. But I draw the line at being a human trapese.

Corbin's temper is also on the rise, and compared to other kids his age, he isn't really all that bad. he gets frustrated more easily when he's tired or not feeling well, which is normal, but it also seems like he wants to snuggle less when he's tired, as though he can't find a comfortable position. This is when he starts to act up, and when I put him down, he becomes very unhappy.

Nevertheless, my dogged stubbornness will prevail (see Mom, I knew it would come in handy one of these years). Corbin's a pretty quick learner, I just hope my poor body can survive this initial lesson in manners.

More Milestones

Corbin got his hair cut for the first time last night.



He wasn't sure at first, but he didn't fuss or fidget. He sat still the entire time--about five or six minutes--and let the hair dresser do her thing. His new surroundings kept him interested and distracted as she snipped off his baby hair. Corbin was born with straight black hair, but at just a few months of age, the curls started coming in. Now, his whole head is curly, but he had some long, straight pieces on top.

We are staying at my parents for a few weeks. it's nice to have a break. Admittedly, it's the first time in a very long time I haven't wanted to leave and go back home. There is more drama with my superintendent, and as is typical of me, I'd rather avoid conflict than face it.

Corbin barely crawls now. In fact, he's learning to run. He will run away from me if he has something he knows, or even thinks, he's not supposed to have. It's cute now, but it'll probably get old fast. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to mind having socks and shoes on, which makes it a lot easier for me to tell where he's at. And, when I take something away from him he's not supposed to have, he throws a temper tantrum. Oh, he doesn't kick and scream and completely lose his mind, so I guess I'm pretty lucky, but he does have the most heart-wrenching cry. I'm proud of myself though, I don't give in to that cry. I'll hug him and talk to him and try t explain why i have to take something away, or why he can't play in the garbage can or the toilet, and he calms down after a few minutes and goes on his merry way. i used to nurse him when he first started throwing tiny tantrums, and it did seem to comfort him, but I figured it was a bad habit to get intol. I will nurse him if he falls and hurts himself, or if he's frightened by something.

Corbin has discovered the stairs at my parents' house, so I have to watch him very closely, or else he'll climb up them and end up on the landing with no way down. Sometimes, he scares the crap out of me, and sometimes I wish I could be that fearless again. Age and experience have taught me to be very cautious or downright frightened of some things.

Ever since he's started walking, Corbin has been eating a lot more. He actually eats breakfast, lunch, and supper with small snacks in between. He's not as picky as he once was (I don't think it was really fussiness, rather he just wasn't ready to eat solids and was geting all his nutrition from me). It usually takes two or three tries when presenting him with something new before he'd eat it, but the list of foods he likes is growing longer. Veggies are still an obstacle, but Corbin loves fruit--berries, mellons, pineapple, mandarins--he loves it all! Chicken is his favourite meat, though I haven't given him too much beef as I'm not a big beef eater myself--no pork either--and the one time I tried him with fish, he just ignored it. He loves bread, cereal, and cheese, and thankfully does not seem to have the issue with dairy that I thought he might have a few months ago. Of course, he hasn't drank cow's milk yet. Oh yes, I must not forget pasta. I should have named him Macaroni and called him Mac for short.

Corbin is still not a big eater, and he is usually very slow, but both of these traits are positive ones, I think. I won't have to worry about him choking, especially since he won't eat while playing yet, and I think sometimes we encourage our kids to eat too much when they're young. Corbin still nurses several times per day. He won't drink from a cup yet, but he has stopped nursing before nap time, and he doesn't nurse for very long except at night time. The world is just too interesting to be cuddled up next to Mom!

Corbin's top eye teeth are through. The bottom ones were close, too, but I think they receeded back into his gums because I can't feel them anymore.

And lastly, Corbin is starting to talk a lot more. most of what he says is baby talk, but he can say Mama, Deedee, gog or goggy (dog), good, and num num. Soon he'll be like the rest of my family and won't stop talking from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep.

Who Are You And What Did You Do With My Son?

Up until a few weeks ago, Corbin was the picture-perfect little boy. Well, he still is, but it seems as though he's realized there's so much more he can do in the apartment besides play with his toys and get into a spot of bother with Deedee.

A few months ago, I delegated the cupboard beneath my microwave stand to him. I put all his toys in there, and he seemed happy with this arrangement. He would happily empty the cupboard and then sit amidst the toys playing with one after another, or sometimes he'd actually get in the cupboard after emptying it. Of course, all of the kitchen cabinets were locked, but he didn't show much interest in them. Sadly, that has come to an end.

Not only does he try to get in the kitchen cupboards (most of them just hold pots and pans and plastic storage containers, so they're pretty harmless), but he's decided that the space under my desk is a fun place to play, too. I previously stored his exersaucer under there to protect the power bar, but now he can move the exersaucer, so up goes the power bar. He can move chairs as well, and I've come into the living room to find furniture scattered throughout the room. He can crawl in the small space beneath my desk that is specially designed for a PC tower, and he thinks it's great fun to grab the cordless phone and hide in there with it.

I can't let him near the bathroom unless he is having a bath. The toilet brush, plunger, toilet paper, and heck, the toilet itself have all become fascinating play things. I know this stage won't end any time soon, so the bathroom door is firmly shut, and I have false door knobs waiting on standby for the time when he learns to open doors.

lastly, I keep a pretty tight ship around here--I vacuum every day, and i'm usually careful to put everything out of his reach whether I think it'll harm him or not, although he does manage to kidnap the remote and the telephone from time to time. But Corbin seems to have a knack for finding bits of cardboard, paper, and other small things that somehow end up on the floor. Oh how I long for the days when all I had to worry about was whether or not he and Deedee were sharing toys.

Speaking of toys, they're everywhere! Dump trucks, walkers, ride-on cars, and then there are all the little ones that can send an unwary mom flying across the room. For once, i'm glad I have a bad habit of not picking up my feet when I walk. I don't even bother to run behind him and pick up any more, because 5 minutes later, my living room is morphed into Corbin's Playland again.

And what word that rhymes with toys that every mom of a budding toddler experiences? Why noise, of course! Corbin loves to make lots and lots of noise. Babbling incessantly is his favourite thing to do, of course, but when babbling, squealing, laughing, or screaming doesn't reach the decibel level he desires, he practices his percussion skills with Deedee's stainless steel dog dishes, or bangs on the floor using one of his wooden trucks. At only 1 year of age, Corbin can already multitask--he can bang and squeal at the same time. This produces a head-pounding effect to which he is immune but I am not. Neither is Deedee; sometimes I find her curled up in a remote corner. Perhaps she wants to stay out of the way of the little demon, I mean the lovable little guy. Perhaps she is wondering what the heck she's gotten herself into.

As for me, would I have it any other way? Certainly not! I've always said I like a challenge in life. Well, I've got one, and he never ceases to amaze me every day. Corbin is very creative, imaginative, and spirited, not to mention loving, happy, and very easygoing. I know the next year or so will be filled with many adventures for us, even more so than the first year, or perhaps just different types. I've got my seat belt fastened, and I'm holding on for dear life. This promises to be a ride that Corbin won't remember in a few years, but I'll never forget it.

What Age Is It Appropriate To Breastfeed Your Child in Public

Corbin turned 1 year old this past week. Until now, I've never had any reservations about breastfeeding him in public. I never gave much thought to who might be watching, and I never went out of my way to hide myself in a secluded corner or bathroom stall when he announced he was hungry, though I did make an effort to be as discrete as is possible without the use of a nursing cover. I've nursed in cars, malls, stores, once at a junior high, at restaurants, and while walking down the street with him happily nursing while snuggled in his carrier.

Maybe I got weird looks. Maybe some people thought it was gross. Maybe others were indifferent. I didn't care what they thought. But recently I've begun to wonder at what age should I stop nursing in public.

Case in point: Today we went to Boston Pizza for supper after running errands for a few hours. I knew Corbin was hungry as he vehemently refused breakfast. He was always iffy about letting me feed him, but for the past few weeks, it's been utterly impossible to get a spoon within six inches of his face. I knew the quickest thing to do would be to breastfeed him, but instead, I distracted him with crackers and even bought him his own cheese pizza which he ate a little bit of. After that, he was content until a few hours later, and by then we were in the privacy of our own home and I had no problems nursing him.

I suppose my situation is rather unique due to Corbin's reluctance to eat. I've often wondered if I've played a hand in fostering that reluctance by giving in and breastfeeding him, though I certainly did not want to starve him, and most of the literature I read says to offer the breast first before solids, at least between the ages of 6 months to 1 year. That being said, if the situation was a bit different and he was eating more like a 12-month-old should, I probably would give him food when we were out in public more often than I would nurse.

I'm not really sure why that is. It's not because I'm afraid people will judge me; I couldn't care less if they make comments within my hearing or to my face, and they can stare all they want. I think one of the primary reasons is the awkwardness of it all. When Corbin was newborn, he was so small that I could feed him while sitting in a chair or booth at a restaurant and not be the least bit uncomfortable. However, he's too big, not to mention wriggly, to fit in a booth with me anymore. I can't even really breastfeed comfortably while in the car, though I will if I have to in a pinch. And if I'm not relaxed, Corbin senses it and becomes restless and disinterested in nursing.

Second, while he still breastfeeds for sustenence, I think a majority of the times he wants the breast are either for comfort or because he's thirsty (although he knows how to, Corbin won't drink out of a sippy cup). When we're out and about, there is just so much for him to see and absorb that he simply has no interest in cuddling with mom. If he gets fussy at all, chances are it's because he's tired.

Lastly, when he was younger, Corbin would often fall asleep at the breast. He still does this, but only at night. Or he would stay on the breast until he was full, and take himself off and that was that. Now he likes to take his time--he'll play with my face while nursing, he'll break his latch and look around to see what's going on, he'll try to nurse in some very odd positions, and sometimes he'll even let go and then once I'm all buttoned up decide he isn't finished. I'm not embarrassed by my breasts by any means, and while i used to view them as something to, shall we say, advertise the whole package, I don't think of breastfeeding as a sexual act. But I certainly don't want my whole breast exposed for just anyone to see while my son makes eyes at the cashier, or investigates the occupants of the car parked next to us. Managing a nursing toddler is a lot different than a nursing baby, and while i don't object to doing it in public, it's a lot easier when I'm in the comfort of my own home.

If he ever blatently asks to nurse in public, I won't refuse him. I don't care if he is well into toddlerhood. I think it's about time our culture accepted the concept of extended nursing, and women who make that decision shouldn't be ashamed of it or treat it as a dirty little secret. but, if it doesn't seem like he needs the breast immediately, I'll offer him food. After all, although I still want him to get a lot of nutrients and antibodies from my breastmilk, and I have no intention of trying to ween him by the time he's a certain age, he does need to learn to eat and enjoy food.

Breastfeeding From A Blind mom's Perspective

I’ve mentioned in a few previous posts about my expierences as a breastfeeding mother who is visually impaired. Wait! Rewind. … Scrap the political correctness; since I can only see light and shadows, in my books, I’m blind, and I don’t care who says it. Okay, now that’s out of the way, I thought I should share my experiences in more detail for those who are curious, and for those who may be in the same boat I was and are looking for information.

When I was pregnant, I did a lot of research. I didn’t know anything about babies—my one and only younger sibling is five years younger than I, so I wasn’t really old enough to have taken care of him, and none of our family friends or relatives ever asked me to babysit. Not being sighted myself, I simply can’t imagine the horror a mother must feel at the thought of letting a blind person look after her child. Strangely, I wasn’t afraid I would mishandle my baby, but there was a lot of information to assimilate. One of the things I didn’t research was breastfeeding positions, though I read about almost every other breastfeeding-related subject.

During my prenatal classes, which were given by a doula, I was given a doll and shown the cross-cradle hold and the football hold. It seemed easy, but I knew, as with changing diapers, that practicing on a live, squirming baby would be something else.

I was right. When Corbin was born, I had great difficulty in the first day or so latching him on. This is a common problem for new mothers and babies, and even more experienced mothers. It seemed simple enough—tickle the baby’s lips with your cipple, wait for them to open their mouth wide and then bring them to the breast making sure the nipple is well into the mouth and their lips are sucking on the areola. But how on earth was I to ticklethe baby’s mouth with my nipple, make sure his mouth was open, and then bring him to the breast and hold him at the same time when I would have to do all of this by feel? Luckily, the nurses were really good about helping me latch the baby on, and thankfully, he wasn’t fussy about latching. But I knew the nurses wouldn’t be there forever.

The lactation consultant was woefully ill-equipped to deal with this kind of issue. She instructed me to place my hand at the base of the areola, not to hold my nipple which would have been easier for me. She also did not think I should touch Corbin’s mouth to make sure I wasn’t accidentally poling him in the ear. When I asked her how would I know if his mouth was open, and how would I know I was aiming for it, she said, “You’ll just know”. And that, gracious readers, is a direct quote!

Even though she stayed for a few minutes longer, I pretty much tuned her out. I was used to professionals who didn’t make an effort to recognize that, even though I am capable of doing anything a sighted person can (no one has tested my driving skills yet), I do sometimes learn differently or I may do things differently than someone with sight would to accomplish a task. Unfortunately, some educators don’t, or won’t, think outside the box, and thus they fail a lot of people. Fortunately, I’ve learned to compensate, and I’ve pretty much lived my life adapting as necessary. So, when the lactation consultant left, I begant teaching myself and my son how to breastfeed.

Let me say that I would love to kiss whoever invented the nursing pillow. This ingenuous device not only made Corbin and I much more comfortable, it allowed to me have both hands free. I can’t understand why the LC would not encourage me to touch my son, because it is important for every mother to touch her newborn baby, not just those who can’t see them. I explored every inch of his beautiful little face. I also felt my own areolas and nipples, and when he was latched on, I gently probed his mouth and my breast and felt his jaws moving.

Eventually, I devised a system. If I were feeding Corbin on my left side, I would put my left arm underneath Corbin and around the back of his head, and vice versa for the right side. I would hold my nipple with my right hand at its base, and first make sure by gently touching Corbin’s mouth that I was indeed enticing him to latch on by tickling his lips and not by giving him an extreme closeup of a wriggling nipple. Then, I would tickle his mouth, and, when I felt it open, I would gently push him towards the breast with the hand that was behind his head. I would remove my other hand and use it to rub his back, or stroke his hair, or complete the cross-cradle position, or my version of it.

I also found the easiest positions were the cross-cradle hold and lying tummy to tummy. I could never master the football hold. I know of other blind moms who have, but neither Corbin nor I were ever comfortable when the nurses tried to put him in that position.

It took a few days for us to become comfortable with each other, but by the time I was released from the hospital, my milk had come in, and Corbin and I were well on our way to establishing a comfortable nursing relationship. In fact, it didn’t take him too long to start latching on himself.

About a day or two after my milk came in, Corbin had his one and only nursing strike. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He did latch, but he wouldn’t stay latched, and he began to become frantic he was so hungry. At 2 AM, I couldn’t think of anything elase to do but pump a bottle. I sincerely hoped this wouldn’t cause nipple confusion, and it didn’t. Before I pumped, I examined my nipples and realized they had changed shape. I thought this might be the cause of Corbin’s confusion, and the nurses who saw us for his 48-hour checkup after being discharged from the hospital confirmed my suspicions. Thankfully, Corbin began nursing regularly after that one bottle and hasn’t looked back.

As time went by, things got easier and easier. Of course, I haven’t had to help Corbin latch on for a very long time now. We still enjoy the tummy to tummy position in bed, but nursing while I’m sitting up can be challenging. Now that Corbin is older and more mobile, he wants to eat while upside-down, his new favourite position, or on all fours with his head twisted to one side and his bum sticking up in the air. My poor nipples!

I hope any LC that reads this will have some new insight into what it’s like to nurst a very young infant when the mother cannot see what she is doing. I don’t think the challenges Corbin and I faced differed greatly from what other new moms experience. We had to learn just like every mother does, and sadly, we had little support from the people who are supposed to be there for us, which is not an uncommon occurrence either.

I Worry For Nothing

Corbin has been able to pull himself up on furniture for about a month now. He seems to get stronger and surer of himself every day. He used to hold on tightly, now he holds on with one hand. And, of course, there were the handful of days at the beginning where he endured many a fall and a resulting bump on the head because he couldn't figure out how to get down, or he would just let go and topple over. But that didn't last long, and now he uses the walls, my pant legs, and anything else he can to stand up. He's even started furniture cruising, although that usually consists of walking from one end of the couch to the other, and he only does it if I am there.

When he first started crawling, Corbin would pull himself along with his arms. I didn't think he'd ever use his knees, though he would get on his knees and rock back and forth which can be a sign that a baby who is not crawling will be soon. Now he can move around the house at rocket speeds. His favourite things to do are look out the window at the passing traffic (the sills in my living room and so low he can use them to stand up), make a tremendous racket playing with Deedee's stainless steel dog bowls, pulling the plug covers off (yes, he can do that already!), and of course playing with his own toys. He has lost interest in Deedee's kongs, though they still provide some amusement. He's rather play with a toy that makes noise, or makes noise himself.

I continued to offer him food almost every day, and up until a few weeks ago he had little interest. He's still gaining weight, although not as fast as he was when he was first born, so I wasn't too worried, even though people would often express surprise that Corbin was still exclusively breastfed.

Then, one magical morning a short while ago, when the sun and the moon were in perfect alignment, and the universe decided to take pity on my poor confused self, Corbin surprised me by gobbling up half a jar of fruit for breakfast. He seemed eager to eat--he would direct the spoon into his mouth and gurgle happily. He's done this on rare occasions, so I didn't get my hopes up, and when I tried to feed him later that day, he was not interested. But he did eat the rest of the fruit the next day. So I fed him one meal a day which eventually consisted of about four ounces of food. Yesterday, I fed him two meals, and Corbin let me know he was hungry at supper time.

I feel silly for anxiously wondering when he would eat, and the one thing I would do differently is not stipulate that he was to eat "just a little bit" if he didn't want to. I probably wouldn't have offered him food every day; indeed, it was when I stopped being persistent and didn't insist that he eat that he decided he would.

Luckily, he doesn't seem to have any major likes or dislikes yet. He's slightly more inclined to eat fruit, but he won't turn up his nose at chicken or vegetables, either. I'm still feeding him purees for the time being. He has six teeth, and he has eaten finger foods before, so I’m sure he could eat the chunkier purees, but for a few weeks, I'll stick with the liquid ones until he gets used to eating.

I’m finally starting to believe people when they say he will grow out of certain habits. I've not tried to make him sleep on his own for months, though I will put him in his crib after he falls asleep in the evening. Unfortunately, most times he wakes up before I go to bed, and he is very distraught at being alone. That's usually my cue to go to bed, as it makes little sense to put him back to sleep and then put him back in his crib. I can usually expect him to sleep for two hours on his own, occasionally 2.5 or even 3. But I know as he gets older, he'll eventually be ready to sleep on his own. And I really don't like sleeping alone either, and he's less of a bed hog than Deedee, so the arrangement works perfect for both of us.

I’ve stopped telling my family everything, and have become vaguer about the sleeping arrangements and eating situation. Corbin will grow at his own pace, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. For a while, I thought it was my fault--maybe I was doing something wrong, or not doing something I should have been--and then I realized I just need to go with the flow, take advice as I need it, and discard the rest. Each baby is an individual, and my practices and lifestyle aren't orthodox if you compare me to some "average" mainstream Jane Doe, so who says my son has to do everything the same way other babies do.

I have found a day care close to my home, although they will not take him until he is 18 months. I’m secretly relieved because I am not ready to leave him and go back to work. I think one of the many problems facing kids today stems from them being separated from their mothers at such young ages. Canada is generous with its maternity leave benefits, but other countries only allow six weeks or less. I don't think that feminists who strove for equality in the workplace between women and men realized how emotionally difficult it would be for the baby or its mother to be separated at a time when her care and guidance is cruicial. I know that, when the time comes, it'll probably be harder for me than it will for Corbin to put him in someone else's care for 30 or 40 hours a week.

my boy is growing in leaps and bounds. Every time he achieves a new milestone, I am proud yet sad at the same time. I can't wait for him to say "Mama", yet I wish he was 6 pounds again, swaddled up snug and safe.

It seems the novelty of crawling has worn off. Now Corbin wants to walk. He's started pulling himself up on furniture, and he especially enjoys pulling himself up on my living room window sill and gazing out the window. Of course, he is none too steady on his feet, and sometimes he lets go or simply cannot hold himself up and ends up tumbling to the floor. These are the first of many bumps and bruises he will have to endure over the years, and he's actually a pretty good sport about it, he just has to learn that he can't use unstable things like doors or my pant legs to hold himself up.

Corbin now has two new teeth on the bottom. The top ones haven't come in yet, but they are so close. he is really having a tough time with them, and as much as I don't like to medicate, Motrin has become my best friend. Corbin never had an incident of diaper rash until he was eight months old. Now I can't get rid of it, and it seems that every time he either cuts a new or the top ones push their way out, he breaks out in a rash. I've been using calendula cream faithfully. It seems to work well, but as soon as the rash heals, he breaks out again. I'm pretty sure it's just from teething, although when he cut his first teeth at five months the only rash he got was on his face, but I may take him to the doctor to be on the safe side. It doesn't seem to bother him mostly, but when he has diarrhea which is again caused by teething, it burns him no matter how fast I am at changing and cleaning him, and he gets very uncomfortable.

I bought a bunch of Christmas presents for Corbin a few days ago. I've decided that I am going to get all my shopping done early this year, and i'm not going to go near a mall. So I went on Etsy and bought Corbin a bunch of handmade wooden toys including a train set, some trucks, an elephant on wheels, and a pull-along grasshopper. I also bought him six pairs of leg warmers, as he'll need them during the bone-chilling winters we have here in Nova Scotia. I'm not going to make a big deal out of Christmas this year because he does not understand it at all, not to mention his birthday is less than a month later.

Hopefully, mom and Dad will be in the new house by December. I went and saw the house for the first time since the fire last weekend. It was exciting and sad at the same time. Some changes have been made to the layout and style, and though they are for the better, I hope I never forget the house as it was when I was growing up and when my grandmother lived in it. It was the one thing I had that reminded me of her since I can't look at pictures and I can barely remember her voice.

Well I must go and catch up on emails, tweets, and other peoples' blogs while Corbin is napping. Today is Sunday, and other than making apot of chili which is now simmering in the slow cooker, I don't plan on doing anything very productive.

Sleep Training

Since Corbin started crawling, I've been worried about him falling off the edge of the bed. It's happened twice, and scared both of us half to death. his head is pretty hard now, but my bed is also quite high. So, I decided since there is not enough room for my mattress to go on the floor, that he would sleep in his crib until I went to bed. Somehow, that idea transformed into he must learn to sleep on his own because I can't be a human pacifier. (Corbin will take a rubber pacifier but as he's gotten older, he seems to like it less and less.)

So, I did everything I could think of--we already have a bedtime routine, but I made sure it was enforced, i bought a mobile, i played soothing music, i even tried aromatherapy. I read books, I sang songs and hummed lullabies. I stood for what felt like hours over his crib rubbing his body and trying to sooth him to sleep. nothing worked, so, as a last resort, i let him cry it out.

I read about the method--I wasn't going to leave him all alone in a dark room to scream himself to sleep, after all.

I expected the first night to be hard and it was. i even expected the second night o be tough, but it was worse. The third night was no better. So i stopped and tried again in a few weeks with the same results.

I feel like i am at my wits end--I can't listent o him cry for hours on end, especially when I know that all he wants is to cuddle up next to me. I feel guilty for even trying the CIO method, especially when i go in to check on him and find his stuffed lamb, which he normally never plays with, soaked with tears. He is his happy self and i'm sure he won't be scarred emotionally for life. I am the only one of my family or friends who has practiced attachment parenting (e.g., babywearing, bedsharing, breastfeeding, etc). So, naturally, all of my friends are convinced Corbin will end up having behaviour problems because we sleep together. no one would believe that he hated his crib from the time he was born, but he did, and still does.

i'm determined to do what I think is right, so every night I put him to sleep and then transfer him to his crib. If he wakes up, I go in and put him back to sleep again. He will usually wake up by the time I go to bed, and so he usually ends up in bed with me for the rest of the night. Luckily, i don't have a husband or boyfriend to complain the he has to sleep elsewhere because the baby is with me, or that the bed is too crowded. i know on nights when I would put him to sleep and then keep transfering him to his crib all night long--and since he's teething he is restless and wakes up a lot--i felt lonely and was anxiously anticipating the next time he would cry. Thus, i got very little sleep, and so i believe that cosleeping benefits me as much as it does my son.

Transition

Since Corbin has started crawling, I've decided it's in his best interests to transition him into sleeping in a crib. i never had any intention of bedsharing--I bought a crib and a bedding set but Corbin was never a good sleeper from day 1, and the only way to keep my sanity in tact was to let him sleep with me. I don't regret it, though i do wish I could have prolonged it. however, since I discovered him at the edge of the bed just centimetres away from taking a tumble onto the hard tile floor, I decided safety comes first.

His crib is in my room, and last night, the first night, was totally stressful. But, after a few hours of crying and soothing, he finally fell asleep. He awoke a few hours later to feed and then went back in the crib, but ended up in the bed with me when we were both awakened at 2:30 a.m by one of my friends who had the bright idea to phone me at that hour.

Corbin got his eight month immunizations today, and either they made him tired, or by a stroke of good fortune, he fell asleep relatively fast. This time, I relented and took him in bed and nursed him to sleep. I've never believed in the cry-it-out method, andthink doing that last night bothered me more than him.

I am going to get a mobile that plays music and moves. i want to make his crib a positive and fun place to be. He'll also start napping in there since he is really getting too big for his swing. He still loves to be in it and will nap in there for hours, but he does not look at all comfortable to me.

I'm sad that exclusive bedsharing has come to an end. I won't keep him out of my bed all the time. If I fall asleep during a night time feeding, or take him in with me in the mornings or for a nap, it will benefit both of us. But I do hope that the kitchen will be closed, so to speak, and that he will gradually nurse less during the night than he has been. Since he has always been a restless sleeper, and especially now that his top front teeth are coming through, I can't count the number of times he would nurse during the night.

The transition to solid foods is still as much of a challenge than ever. Corbin will eat the groosest smelling and tasting purees (chicken and vegetable, but he hates fruit), and he also enjoys feeding himself baby cookies. So I'm going to look up good ideas for finger foods and let him feed himself. Neither of us enjoy it when I try to feed him, because I almost feel as though i am forcefeeding him. i guess that's just his independent streak showing itself.

Corbin is getting better and better at crawling every day. He has discovered that there are more rooms in the apartment than just the living room, and he can motor along quite well when he wants to. he is in love with Deedee's toys, and Doodle herself. She has been very patient with him when he pulls on her tail and fur.

I have plug covers installed but have not yet locked the cupboards. I keep all the bedroom and bathroom doors shut so that Corbin does not get into any mischief, and so I can keep track of him easier. i was going to put bells on him, but i haven't yet figured out how I would do that--I am not very adept at sewing, and they have to be big enough that he won't choke on them should he get them in his mouth. For now, i'll rely on my hearing, and most likely wherever Deedee is Corbin isn't too far away.

Deedee turns three today. She shows no signs of calming down, though. I don't mind her being so hyper, though i do wish she wouldn't jump all over anyone who comes to the door. I guess some habits will never die, though as she ages she should calm down. In my experience, labs start to calm down by the time they are four. Her virtues far outweigh her vices, though. She is the only dog I've had who has impeccable house manners.

She will not eat food that isn't meant for her unless it is on her level. She does not get into the garbage, or chew any of my possessions, and she can be left alone without being tied down or restricted to a crate. Deedee is the first guide dog that i have considered keeping because she does have such good house manners. But I won't have to make that decision for a long time to come.

On the Move

Corbin has started crawling!

It started Thursday night and happened pretty much as I thought it would. That is, he just started moving. For the past two months, he's been spending most of the play time he has on the floor and bed on his stomach, and he's been able to hold himself up for a while, but he couldn't quite figure out what to do with his arms. He would kick his feet, too, but he wouldn't go anywhere. Well, the light bulb has come on and now the real fun begins!

So far, I've been lucky that he's content to stay in the living room or kitchen, wherever I happen to be, and he doesn't try to follow me...yet. He's just spent the last few days getting a grip on crawling--I really should call is crolling as it is a combination of crawling and rolling.

I went out and bought plug covers and cupboard locker-uppers, as I know it'll only be a matter of time until he's getting into things.

I'm hoping that all that moving will make him hungrier and he'll finally start taking to eating solids. I can get him to eat a bit of apple sauce, but a bit is really all he will eat. Many times, he'll turn right around and grab my top, or grab the spoon out of my hand and smear the food on it all over the place. But he will do things in his own time I am sure. Since he is still developing normally, i'm still not particularly worried, though meal times tend to be a bit frustrating. I do not have the advantage of being able to see when his mouth is open and sneak the spoon in. Nevertheless, persistance has to count for something.

Wordless Wednesday

Corbin went to the doctor's on Friday. I finally got his shots (he's two months behind). I was not going to do it originally because of the link between mercury and autism and other neurological disorders. I am not completely against vaccines, though I have never gottena flu shot and nor will Corbin, but I don't think young infants should get so many. Corbin has never been sick not even with a cold, and suddenly he gets injected with eight or nine deadly viruses? No wonder he was miserable all weekend!

He barely slept Friday and Saturday, and I have never heard a baby cry like he did for those few days. it was a high-pitched scream, and i'm not sure that description does it justice. He had a fever on Saturday, was thankfully it wasn't too high and by the night time it was gone. He slept for most of yesterday and seems to be back to his old self today, but my reservations remain. If the government wasn't supporting the billion-dollar vaccine industry by forcing those parents who want their children put in group care to have them immunized, I would not have them done at all.

Nevertheless, it is over for a few months. Corbin weighs 13 pounds and 10 ounces and is 24.5 inches long. He goes for another checkup next month.

Corbin attended his first birthday party on Saturday. Since he was not feeling well (I took his temperature at my friend's house and that's when I discovered it was high), I don't think he enjoyed it as much as he normally would have. And, of course, he's too young to play with the other kids but he does enjoy attention from adults of which he is never in need.

Well, I must sign off and put laundry away before I crash and I will crash. I am feeling the pressures of the time crunch that I am facing to find work and put Corbin in day care and find a place to live other than my parents' house. It's almost been a year since I quit smoking but it's at times like this that I miss it. I can't smoke while I nurse the baby, and I plan to nurse him for longer than 12 months, so I furvently hope I won't be foollish enough to pick up the habit again once he is weened. i'm sure I can find a stress outlet that is less expensive and self-destructive.

Six-Week Checkup

Corbin and I had our six-week checkup on Monday. He is thriving and weighs 9 lbs 14 oz. I didn't bother to weigh myself because I don't want to know how much weight I didn't lose. Corbin is also 21 inches long, a full three inches more than he was at birth, and almost four pounds above his birth weight. It must be that liquid gold Mommy keeps giving him.

As for his colick, the doctor said there's nothing that can be done which I knew anyway. I've stopped eating a lot of dairy--I never ate a lot of it anyway except I started drinking a lot of milk when I was pregnant for the calcium--and I've started drinking pepermint tea. I don't know if it's the mint tea or if he's starting to grow out of the colick, but he's been less fussy the last two days.

He's still sleeping in the bed with me, but today he's had two naps in his cradle and he's starting to settle faster at night. It's a good thing, because I thought for a while there that I was going to lose my mind! I'm not frustrated at him, of course, but it's heartbreaking to see your little one in pain and you can't do anything about it.

He's also starting to poop less which I was concerned about until the doctor and some other moms who breastfeed assured me it was normal. For the first few weeks, babies will have a bowel movement every time they feed, but soon it will taper off and they may only have one once a week. Unfortunately, when Corbin does go, it's an explosion. It happened while Mom was changing him last week, and she's lucky because she could see it coming and got it all in his diaper. I was not so lucky on Sunday. Thankfully, I had a receiving blanket underneath him--I always use one to cover him up so he won't pee on me--so I just tossed it and his soiled clothes in the laundry. He went into the bath tub. I'm sure that's only the first of really messy adventures i'll have with him.

Corbin is almost five weeks old! In some ways, it's hard to believe time has flown by so quickly, but it also feels like i've been doing this forever. Was it only three weeks ago Mom and I left him at Glenda's while we went to Wal-Mart? It feels like a lifetime!

He is doing well; I think he is going through growth spurt because he is feeding a bit more often and is eating about four ounces at every feed. Of course, I'm just guestimating, but I can pump four ounces out of one breast and he usually drains one side so I'm assuming he might even eat more than four ounces because a baby is much more efficient than a pump. He was eating every three to four hours. He still only wakes up for two feedings a night, and one of those is really early in the morning, usually between five and six, but sometimes during the day he's reverting to eating every two hours. This just happened yesterday and today, and I'm not sure how long it will last.

I have decided to attend the local breastfeeding support group. I'm not having any issues, except that Corbin seems a bit colicky, but it'll be nice to get out of the house and meet some other moms and babies.

As far as the colic goes, I'm eliminating dairy from my diet. I'm taking calcium and vitamin D supplements, and once Mom picks up some rice milk for me, I'll stick to drinking that and water. I hope it tastes good in tea because I do love my Tetley, but if I have to switch to peppermint tea or some other kind that can be drunk black I will. I'm really going to miss yogurt!

Thanks to Glenda for getting me the Ergo baby carrier. It really seems to comfort Corbin when I put him in it and snuggle him close to my body. If he is fussy, i just walk him back and forth in the carrier and he falls asleep. i have to make sure he's in a deep sleep before I take him out, though, otherwise he'll wake up and start howling. I actually fell asleep with it on last night, and it wasn't even uncomfortable.