My Crunchy Life

Corbin's First Walk

Corbin went for his first walk outdoors with me today. I ordered the harness from MyPreciousKid.com last week, and it arrived in the mail yesterday. I wanted something that didn't look very utilitarian; I don't really care if people think I'm cruel because I know I'm just keeping my son safe, but this will be fun for him to put on and hopefully he won't always see it as restraining or confining.

After talking with a field rep from Guide Dogs for the Blind, I decided to do the first few walks with just my cane. After all, Corbin has only been walking on his own since february, and he isn't able to walk for a long period of time yet. I have to adjust my pace to his, and then I'll have to teach Deedee acordingly, but I feel it will be easier for Corbin and I to learn to walk together first and then add deedee into the mix.

Corbin and I went with my friend, and soon-to-be roommate, B and her 6-month-old chocolate lab Reese. Deedee was great, it was Reese who was eating pinecones, using my cane as a skipping rope, and just being generally puppyish. The advantage a pet has to living with a guide dog is that the guide will often teach them things. Endora encouraged my old roommates' dog to cross the kitchen floor even though he was scared of the slippery laminate. She also calmed him down during thunder storms. Of course, the pet dog can also teach the guide its bad manners, but we just won't go there.

Corbin thought my cane was fascinating, too. Once he realized the trick of the game was to tap it from side to side, he wanted to help. I held firmly onto his hand and kept the harness looped around my wrist (I want to use it only as a backup, not a primary method of controlling him when we're out), but that didn't really stop him from reaching out, grabbing my cane, and violently thumping it on the sidewalk. I had to stop every few minutes to wrestle it out of his grip. Things might have went smoother if B and I weren't killing ourselves laughing, but it was hard not to with Corbin's and Reese's antics.

When Corbin and I entered the convenience store, B stayed outside with the two dogs. Corbin decided that he was going to swipe some chocolate bars that were underneath the counter. I had to pick him up and hold him while I paid for my purchases, and then a customer who was behind me brought them outside because Corbin was fascinated with those chocolate bars. As soon as I went to pick up my bag, he went straight for them. At 15 months, it's not embarrassing, but it would be at 2 or 3.

Corbin almost made it the whole way home. He was so pooped, he went to bed as soon as we got in the house, and he changed into his pajamas. I'd say our first walk was a success, even if it was a three-ring circus. I really think B and I `should have our own reality TV show. Actually, it'd have to double as a sitcom, because even when we do really mundane things like walk to the variety store, it's an adventure.

In Memoriam

I received the news recently that a friend of mine had passed away last weekend. She was young, vivacious, energetic, kind, and successful, and that doesn't even scratch the surface. She was the unfortunate victim of a freak accident, and I think that makes it harder to cope with than if she had been ill and I'd had some warning. Although I attended her memorial service, we weren't close enough for me to be able to share my memories of her with the other attendees. I've had a few days to think about this, so here's my tribute to holly.

I've been blind since shortly after birth, but at the age of four, my parents decided they weren't going to send me to a special school for blind children. I attended public school like my other peers, and so I didn't have a lot of contact with blind people my age. Okay, I didn't have any contact with blind people my age. Thus, I was a fairly lonely child; I think I'm naturally shy, or at least a little uncomfortable around people I don't know, but being bullied and teased did not help.

It wasn't until I was 11 that I attended the school for the blind in halifax for 3 weeks, and was exposed to peers who faced similar challenges. my last week was spent concentrating on orientation and mobility skills (i.e., how to use a cane correctly, how to navigate safely across streets and in various environments, how to utilize public transit, etc). Holly was one of my fellow students.

She was 3 years older than me, but unlike most 14-year-olds who wouldn't dream of talking to someone who wasn't even in junior high yet, holly treated me just like she treated everyone else. She was kind to me, and just a very likable person all around. She made me feel at ease, which was something not many people could do. And, because she had a few years on me, her mobility skills were more developed than mine; I hated using my cane, and took every opportunity or used any excuse not to, but I saw what I could become if I worked hard and paid attention--that is, an independent, self-sufficient traveller who didn't have to rely on sighted guides all the time.

That's probably my best memory of holly. We kept in touch over the years, but not very much. She was more of an acquaintance, and we had mutual friends with whom I was closer. We did lose contact for almost a decade and then reconnected on facebook, and we were going to get together, but we never did, and now we never will.

holly's death makes me realize how precious life is. It makes me want to crawl in a whole, or shut myself away so I'll be safe forever, but it also makes me want to do the exact opposite, and take risks and do things I've always wished I could do but never had the time or the resources or the energy to accomplish.

I didn't know her very well, but I am grateful for the few fond memories I have of her. I hope her family will some day find peace. For some that may be a long and painful journey, though perhaps the many happy memories, and her loving essence that still lives on in those memories will help a great deal. I know I will hold the few recollections I have of holly close. Sometimes, a gentle touch on someone's life can be just as profound as a long-lasting presence.

RIP Holly.

Setting Boundaries

Over the past few months, Corbin has become a lot more active. This effects every part of his life, including nursing. At first, when he'd try to do a hand stand on my stomach while still firmly latched, it was cute. After battling cracked nipples, being kneed, kicked, poked, and elbowed, it is not even remotely adorable. It's time to set some boundaries.

If Corbin got too out of hand while nursing, all I used to have to do was say a firm, "No," and correct his positioning. Unfortunately, that no longer works, and I have to put him down and listen to him cry for a minute or two while patiently trying to explain to him that Mommy's boobs are not made of elasic, or any other stretchable or moldable substance. Okay, I've only started doing this today, so I haven't had much luck so far.

I don't mind some of the gymnastics. if he wants to lay on his tummy and twist his head to the side and nurse, who am I to argue if it seems comfortable to him? Sometimes, he falls asleep in a kneeling position, with his bum in the air, and his head snuggled up to the milk factory ... me! I don't even mind him playing with my face--minus the hair pulling--because he's actually able to identify several facial features (nose, mouth, etc), and that's how he learned. But I draw the line at being a human trapese.

Corbin's temper is also on the rise, and compared to other kids his age, he isn't really all that bad. he gets frustrated more easily when he's tired or not feeling well, which is normal, but it also seems like he wants to snuggle less when he's tired, as though he can't find a comfortable position. This is when he starts to act up, and when I put him down, he becomes very unhappy.

Nevertheless, my dogged stubbornness will prevail (see Mom, I knew it would come in handy one of these years). Corbin's a pretty quick learner, I just hope my poor body can survive this initial lesson in manners.

I Knew This Would Happen Eventually

One of the biggest downsides to having a guide dog is the negative attitudes I have to endure from ignorant people. I don't mean those who are innocently unneducated, I write about those who are anti-dog.

First off, they don't understand the bond people can have with dogs. Yes, we can bond with all types of animals, but I'm specifically talking about dogs for this post. They've probably never owned a dog, and they think they're dirty, noisy, slobbery, stinky, and dangerous. And, like most stereotypes, some dogs portray some, if not all, of these characteristics. Then again, some people do, too.

I find that most, if not all, the tenants in a no-pet building (and keep in mind that "no pets" doesn't seem to exclude cats), really have a hate for dogs, and will say and do petty things to make a dog owner miserable. They seem to resent the fact that Deedee is allowed because she is a service dog. In the summer, I caught people on my lawn scrutenizing it to see if I was picking up after her. As soon as I opened the door and they realized I'd noticed them, they fled. They didn't even have the balls to say anything to me.

For months, everything seemed peaceful, and then Endora came for a visit. It was just a quick visit, though I know I was breaking the "no dog" rule. I don't break rules often, and this was the only time she'd come for a visit, but most unfortunately, my superintendent's husband noticed her and complained. Boy, did i hear it! Let's just say the superintendent of this building probably can't even spell professional let alone personify it. Even my sister was shocked by her attitude, and she teaches teenagers for a living.

Then, just the other day, Deedee had an accident in the building. She's always had trouble relieving in harness. I had a few issues with her when I first got her, but every one has long been resolved except this one. Unfortunately, the school has let me down on this one--they tell me not feed her less in the morning and more at night, or vice versa, but no matter if she's fed once or twice a day, she still relieves in harness. Her work is flawless, and i couldn't ask for a dog with better house manners. Fortunately, she doesn't go in buildings very often, and she probably wouldn't have had the accident if I had paid attention and let her go before we went inside.

Needless to say, my landlady was less than nice about the ordeal. To people who don't like dogs, cleaning up there feecies must be about the worst thing to clean up, unless it's their vomit. But there was no need for her to say my dog wasn't well trained. There was no need for her to keep repeating "she shouldn't do that", and "this won't happen again". I almost said, "or what? You'll kick me out because my dog pooped on your floor and one of your posse walked in it?" Yup, piss off the posse and you will unleash the uncouth wrath of the allmighty superintendent. I bet if it wasn't her friend who stepped in it, she wouldn't have taken it personally.

She showed up with said friend at my apartment, and when i spoke with the property manager, he informed me that the corporation that owns the building encourages their supers to seek the aide of friends and family members when confronting tenants. Did she think i was going to sick the dog on her? Deedee wouldn't hurt a fly, but even if she would attack someone on command, i doubt the presence of a second person would help much.

So basically, since she's a long-time employee with good standing, and I'm a new tenant who was a bad girl and broke the rules, I just have to suck it up. Not that I expected her to get fired--it's not that big a deal, but if these incidents continue, it will be. For the first three or four months I lived here, my super and her posse would deliberately stop their conversation and stare at me if I invaded their smoking territory while taking my garbage out. Tell me that isn't ignorant! But the property manager didn't even care about or acknowledge my concerns when I told him I felt uncomfortable. I guess my super is a saint with horns.

But what can I expect? i'm not living insubsidized housing, but it's low rental as far as market prices go, so the super isn't really required to impress anyone. It just gives me extra motivation to start looking for work as soon as Corbin's day care situation gets straightened out (he's on the waiting list but can't get in until he's at least 18 months). Then i'm outa here, and i'll comb the city looking for a building that is dog-friendly and that allows me to have my own washer and dryer.

1 Year Smoke-Free!

It's officially been one year since I quit smoking. I tried to quit a few times before last year, but I always found some excuse to pick up the habit again. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I had to quit. Oh, I knew of people who smoked when they were carrying a child, and the baby came out unharmed, or seemingly so, but i never once entertained the idea of putting my own selfish needs before my baby's.

Admittedly, i did smoke for a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. What with the stress of splitting with Corbin's father and retiring Endora, along with the usual hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy, i needed some kind of crutch to support my withering sanity. However, as the morning sickness grew worse, my desire to smoke lessened substantially. People say you shouldn't quit smoking during stressful times in your life, but i really had no choice.

I brought one pack of cigarettes with me to guide dog school, and when they were gone a week into class, I kicked the habit. I can't stand the taste of American cigarettes, not to mention every time i took a puff I had to fight to urge to vomit.

Despite the things I've been through since then, I've never missed smoking enough to pick up the habit again. Of course, I wouldn't while nursing, even though some people would argue that "a little bit won't hurt". Well, a little bit of poison is still poison, and besides, I either do something or i don't do it; i couldn't be a closet smoker or one of those few who can only smoke when they drink.

Oddly, the times i miss it the most are on those days when it's nice out and I could just sit out on the deck and enjoy a smoke and a coffee. i've learned to cope with stress in other ways; I'm not too sure how healthy they are, but they can't be any less healthy than smoking.

Job Interview

Today I had my job interview for a permanent customer care agent position within the ServiceOntario contact centre. i think it went well, though afterward I chastized myself for not adding more to an answer or using a different example, but what's done is done and i could've done a lot worse. I won't know the results for a long time, so I'm just going to sit back, do the best job I can and hope like hell I am one of the lucky few.

This weekend should be eventful. Janine is coming down, and i'm hoping to see Rachel and possibly Brooke, too. I have no set plans as of yet, but I'm sure we'll find something fun and interesting to do.

I will hopefully get some good tummy pictures. I wore dress pants and a light, stretchy top to work today, and I guess it's easier to see my tummy when I have light pants on rather than jeans, even if they are maternity jeans. I even had a few people comment on my tummy and approach me to touch it. Of course, the baby refuses to kick when anyone but me puts their hands on my belly.

Deedee has picked her favourites out of everyone on the floor. People are really good about not petting her, but she has taken a liking to three of my coworkers in particular, and i have to be careful when she sees them because she's likely to jump up at them or pull me very hard at the very least. i've started using the clicker to train her to do things like find the crosswalk button in an effort to channel her exuberance in another direction. It is not working so far--the training is going well, but she still can become very excitable. However, she just turned 2 this past S unday, so I don't really expect her to start calming down for another year or so.

Doggie and Baby Update

I had to take Deedee to the vet on Friday as she was scratching at her ears.     I noticed she was shaking her head a lot last week, and so flushed her ears but it seems it was too little too late. Both her ears were infected. I dropped her off at the vet clinic and went to work with my cane. I felt so lost without her, and of course all my coworkers asked where she was. I picked her up after work, and am going to take her back on Friday to make sure the infection is completely gone.

I have to put ointment in her ears for the next week, and the doctor gave her ears a good thorough cleaning. They were infected with yeast, which is pretty common, but let's hope it's not an early symptom of some kind of allergy. My golden retriever Aries has chronic ear infections, and I'm convinced she has allergies, though I think the vet my parents take her to is either a dimwit or gouging them for money. A full allergy panel was done on Deedee, and it was discovered that she has a mild allergy to cats, nothing more. I don't own any, so we were the perfect match.

I go for my big ultrasound on Wednesday. i'm hoping the baby cooperates so I can find out what I'm having. I keep dreaming that I find out it's a boy when I go for the ultrasound, but in other dreams I deliver a girl. I guess my subconscience really likes to torment me.

Today was the first day I felt a lot of kicks, not just flutters. In fact, the baby was awake for most of the day, which up until now was never the case. Even though I have a desk job, I'd only feel a few tiny movements at work, but it would start moving at night. Lately, I've even been able to feel it in my dreams. I'm not sure if it is the little one moving, or if it's just all in my mind. I guess I'll know for sure as the months go by and the movements become stronger.

Otherwise, life has been really uneventful. Since returning home with Deedee, I've really become quite a recluse. i don't go very far after work, because by the time I feed Deedee and myself and tidy up, I don't feel like travelling somewhere fo only a short while and then coming back home and try to rush myself to sleep. I like to relax and unwind before I do go to sleep, and the dizmal weather we've been having doesn't make standing and waiting for a bus or walking long distances pleasurable. I haven't been sleeping well, what with frequent trips to the bathroom, leg cramps, back aches, and just general restlessness, my sleep is usually broken and not very restive. So I like to catch up on my sleep on the weekends. Besides, these next five months will be the last months I have all to myself for a long, long time, and I must admit I am rather enjoying them.

Baby News

I haven't posted in a while because there really hasn't been much new.  But, now that all my family knows, I can finally post this news on my blog since it's linked to my facebook. I am four months pregnant! i do not know the sex yet, i am hoping to find out next week. I am very excited, and am glad that Deedee is showing continued signs of improvement. She hasn't relieved in harness in a month, and she will usually walk at a nice, brisk pace. She still blows curbs sometimes, but we are working on that. They are fairly flat and blended where i live, so i can't be too hard on her.

I am thinking of Shanae Rhea Suzanne for a girl and Corbin Anthony for a boy. I am really stuck on the name Shanae--it is very pretty and unusual, but not to the point of being outlandish. Rhea is my middle name and Suzanne is m sister's. It's the closest i'll ever come to naming a child after someone. I'm open to boy name suggestions; I like Derrick, too.    

Update

I am going to have to speak with a guide dogs representative, as I've noticed some disturbing traits in Deedee's work habits which have worsened over the past few weeks. For one, she is relieving in harness. I take her out quite often, as I know she is a puppy--well, she is technically an adult, but still very young--so she needs to empty her bladder and have bowel movements more ofthen. However, sometimes she will not go, even when I give her five or ten minutes in her designated relief area, but then will go on route (she is always deficating, never urinating). Luckily, it has always been outside--all but once. Sometimes, it's twice a day, sometimes we have good days, but it's happening frequently enough that I am concerned and need to speak with someone.

The other thing is I notice a lack of confidence. Deedee will start off great, then start to slow down and be very cautious. I am reminded of Olena, and I'm hoping she is not succuming to stress. Although some of the traits are reminiscent of Olena's, Deedee is not always unsure of herself. I think, with some confidence boosting, she will be fine. But I am not used to being a cheerleader--Aries needed a drill sergeant, and Endora had no problems adjusting at all. Of course, I wasn't working when I got her, so our routine was less structured, though dogs are supposed to be happier and function better in a set routine.

She is not destructive in the house. I've left her alone for short periods of time while I run downstairs to the laundry room, and she doesn't make a sound. She is playful, energetic, and very loving, so I'm sure that, with some patience and persistance, everything will be fine.

We didn't do much on the weekend. I had a board meeting on Saturday, and then I went downtown Saturday night to spend a few hours at the coffee shop with my friends. My man came over Friday night and Deedee followed him around the apartment relentlessly.

Glum Day

Today is the first blah day I've had since i've been here. Throughout the stress of transitioning to a successor dog and the dog switch, I've born it all with an easygoing, cheerful attitude. To tell you the truth, it really hasn't bothered me as much as I thought it would, but perhaps I'm having a delayed reaction. Even though the bond grows stronger each day I have Deedee, and she is an excellent worker with a friendly and playful disposition, I miss Endora. i also want to be in my own home, to sleep in my own bed, but I can't say i miss the housework.

I think everyone is a little on edge; I've heard some comments made by my fellow classmates that have led me to believe this. it's pretty normal when you're forced to live with complete strangers for a month, and either transitioning to a new guide or getting one for the first time. Either way, it's a significant lifestyle change, and tempers are bound to flare at some point. I haven't noticed anyone being particularly angry or catty--in fact, out of the three classes i've been in, this is by far the most fun I've had--but I can read the tell-tale signs.

On a brighter note, we did work in San Francisco this morning. We went to the Embarcadero district, which is the financial hub of the city, and those of us who wanted to work on subways and escalators did so, and the rest just had a nice walk in the cool San Francisco air. It was cool today, unlike the rest of our visits which were unusually hot, especially during the morning hours. I forgot Deedee's boots, so i couldn't do escalators, but she did a wonderful job on the subway platform and then getting on the train. unfortunately, we were a little slow--the doors don't chyme like they do when they open in Toronto--so they ended up closing while i was walking through them. I caught the door with my body, and so did the instructor, and it bounced back into place and we were able to board the train safely. We rode one stop and then walked back to Starbucks where everyone who wasn't out on a route was congregated.

In the afternoon, we had a discussion about transitioning from the campus to your home environment, and some of the issues that may arise (e.g, introducing your guide to pets, family, friends, coworkers, introducing them to the routes you most frequently travel, feeding, watering and relieving schedules, free running in the house, etc).

Afterward, we had our transition meetings where we could discuss any questions or concerns we may have individually with an instructor. I didn't have too many questions, except inquiring for more resources on clicker training, and asking if a GDB instructor or supervisor would write a letter which I could take into work detailing why i need some extra time off. I feel a few extra days to introduce Deedee to the area would be beneficial; I am not one to jump in with both feet, for whenever I do that, the consequences are always less than favourable. Hopefully, management will be amenable and cooperative, but I don't foresee any huge problems.

The retrain class also went out for lunch together courtesy of Guide Dogs. We were escourted to the Chinese food restaurant across campus from the dormitory, then left to our own devices. It was very delicious and very enjoyable, and we had gumbo for dinner with warm biscuits which was also very good.

Well, it is relieving time, so I will sign off and take my girl out for relief break. I feel a bit better now that i've written this down. Perhaps I will do some socializing afterward to help lift my mood.